Blog: Polygraph
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Polygraph - Saturday, July 19, 2008
As part of getting a security clearance for my job at AST, I needed to be polygraphed for our "customer" to determine that I'm not a threat to counter-intelligence. This past Tuesday I went in for a polygraph and failed -- or rather my results were "inconclusive." I tend to over-think questions, and I projected feelings of guilt for the things I've done that they don't care about, onto things I haven't done that they do care about. And the worse I did with the questions, the guiltier and more stressed I felt, resulting in a downward spiral.
Needless to say, I felt pretty bad afterwards and entertained fears of them thinking I'm a criminal, and not being able to get a clearance and as a result losing my job.
But my officemate Dave and later Priscilla gave me words of wisdom. Dave reminded me that even in the worst-case scenario of losing my job, I would still have that which is most important -- my life -- and I could easily find work elsewhere. Priscilla showed me that most of my fears were unfounded, and that I wasn't trusting in God. I was reminded that everything that happens is according to God's sovereign plan, and my responsibility is to do my part and leave to rest to Him. I was also reminded that he has paid the price for my sins -- past, present, and future -- and that I shouldn't harbor feelings of guilt.
I went back Thursday morning for a re-test and, despite still being nervous, seemingly did just fine. I'm grateful for God's grace, and I'm glad that I can trust that He has a plan for me even when I can't see through the darkness.
Needless to say, I felt pretty bad afterwards and entertained fears of them thinking I'm a criminal, and not being able to get a clearance and as a result losing my job.
But my officemate Dave and later Priscilla gave me words of wisdom. Dave reminded me that even in the worst-case scenario of losing my job, I would still have that which is most important -- my life -- and I could easily find work elsewhere. Priscilla showed me that most of my fears were unfounded, and that I wasn't trusting in God. I was reminded that everything that happens is according to God's sovereign plan, and my responsibility is to do my part and leave to rest to Him. I was also reminded that he has paid the price for my sins -- past, present, and future -- and that I shouldn't harbor feelings of guilt.
I went back Thursday morning for a re-test and, despite still being nervous, seemingly did just fine. I'm grateful for God's grace, and I'm glad that I can trust that He has a plan for me even when I can't see through the darkness.